Sheboygan South played one heck of a game of football last night, and this is what it looks like after a great victory. As usual, rip it, strip it, use it. It’s now part of the Internet Archive. It’s raw unedited and not corrected for color or sound, but it will be.
If his nicknames not “the cat”, it should be, Maurice Clarette, the cat with nine lives, carried The Ohio State Buckeyes to a national title back in 2003, pissed off his school, the NFL and most of the free world right after. Did some Punky Brewster level crimes before being drafted and cut by the Denver Broncos. Followed that by going thugly with a gunpoint robbery that helped him become a poster child for the prison blogging genre and probably sent the United States into the greatest depression.
Well, Maurice the Cat has moved his show to Omaha Nebraska, the home of the Nighthawks, a team in the UFL, whatever that is. Figuring that a Nighthawks jersey with “Clarett” stamped on the back would be a great wardrobe addition. I searched for some info on the club caring only about the jersey, but they suckered me in by mentioning the QB was San Fran’s Jeff Garcia, and teasing a video for the hawks new running back.
Did you watch the clip?
ESPN mentioned that Omaha native Ahman Green would serve as a mentor for Clarett, but the “Wild Kingdom” backfield of Clarett, Garcia, and Green, you can’t write this stuff.
I know what you’re thinking, Ahman’s supposed to be starring in Double Action Colt, Scott Harpt’s western flick that’s being filmed in Wisconsin. He was at the cast party, but his name was missing from the latest cast list.
The Lied Jungle located in Omaha is the world’s largest indoor rain forest. …Nebraska’s Motto: Equality Before the Law; Nebraska’s State Gem is the Blue …
BEER - While it’s OK to drink anything and everything, beer must be offered
Arrive Early - while post game tailgating is doable, it’s not really tailgating if you do it after the game, that’s just getting drunk.
Dress Appropriately - Anything that’s not acceptable under the Dress Code of fancy pants joints like the SheVegas Bar is perfectly acceptable for tailgating. While some may tailgate without flashing their colors, they are obviously douchebags and should be treated accordingly. Paint your butt,paint your dog, paint your dogs butt, whatever it takes to show the other team where the whoopass is coming from.
Start There Stay There - find a place, stake your claim and don’t ever leave. During the preseason it might be OK to wing it, but when the Packers are hosting the Cowboys in the NFC Championship game things get crazy. After a few years in the same location autopilot takes over and finding the crew becomes second nature. This is not seasonal advice, this is a lifetime thing.
Eat Thy Enemy - If at all possible serve a dish made form the flesh of the opponents mascot or the closest animal to the mascot. The Bears are in town, eat Bear, Lions – lion, Eagles – eagle and so on. In the case of the Patriots or Indians this might be considered cannibalism as the mascots represent people. In this case we suggest a suitable alternative like baked beans for New England (Boston).
Flag - Put up a flag so that your site can be seen from miles away. It doesn’t need to be a flag, bras, blowup dolls, your Uncle Bob, they all work. Don’t grab a flag from the gift shop, not only is it lame, some other idiot did this already.
Never Send a Hot Dog to do the Work of a Bratwurst - Hot Dogs work in a pinch, but this my friends is not a pinch, it’s tailgating. Would you put old salty in the game while Aaron Rodgers sat on the sidelines? You wouldn’t mess with your meat with the whole world watching either. It’s not whether you eat or drink, it’s how you play the pregame.
Be Dudley - The great Dudley once said “I want more than enough”, he was right, more than enough, is just right when you’re tailgating. Conservative guidelines dictate determining the amount of ingestibles your crew will need and doubling down. Sharing, trading, leftovers, it ‘s rule 8, not suggestion 8. Make some friends, share the love you cheap bastard, it’s game day.
The Game - While you don’t need to plop down babies college tuition to sit on the sidelines, you should watch the game and know the name of at least one of the teams or players.
Team - While it’s understood that anybody rooting for the other team is an idiot, it’s important to realize they are not the enemy. In fact fandom is often hereditary and many fans are conditioned to act the way they do. Try finding the common enemy (Colts, Cowboys, etc) or simply enjoy the company of other tailgaters. Tailgating is based on a tradition of friendly rivalry, save your hatred for game time.
The QB Dog? I’m sure Tavaris Jackson is tickled pink about his new meat.
SheVegas suggests the Alpha Dog and drum-roll please, the king of all meats, the Sheboygan Bratwurst, you know, the kind you get when you’re in SheVegas, or the holy shrine of all that is football, Lambeau Field. We’re talking meat that’s subject to the sausage purity laws of 1945.
Just one more sign that the Minnesota Vikings are on the wrong path.
It’s right there at The Ten Commandments of Tailgating Blog Never send a hot dog to do the job of a bratwurst, sure, it worked for the Bears in the 80′s, but “The Bears Still Suck”.
